CHAPTER ONE: DROWNING BUT NOT DYING

The nightmare swallowed Connor, sucked him in, and wouldn’t let him go. This wasn’t the first time he’d had the dream. It was the sixtieth. He’d counted.

 

The nightmare was always the same. He was submerged in black water; too deep for him to reach the surface before running out of air. The water pressure crushed his lungs and drew out his very last breath. His body burned with the need for oxygen. Stars sparked before his eyes, but unconsciousness wouldn’t come. The dream never let him fall away into oblivion.

 

He knew what he had to do.

 

He knew what the next step was.

 

He had to take in the water.

 

Breathe it in.

 

Drown.

 

He struggled to resist the need for air, but eventually, as he always did, he opened his mouth and took in a lungful of liquid. His body spasmed, seeking air, but there was none. Water, water, everywhere and all for me to drink, he thought; his mind voice held a tinge of hysteria. Who’s calm when you have to drown every damn night? He flailed violently with every watery breath he took, but finally, finally his body gave in and just let this happen. He went through this agonizing first step of being starved for air, but he never passed beyond the pain to the peace that drowning was supposed to bring.

 

He was drowning, but not dying.

 

And as if things couldn’t get worse, he was falling. Sinking like a stone to the fathomless ocean floor. The pressure and cold grew with every foot he descended.

 

I can’t fall forever! Connor thought. There’s got to be an end to this. Where the hell is the bottom?

 

Even as he had the last thought, Connor knew that he never wanted to make it to the ocean’s floor. Somehow he was sure that the horror of what was below him was far worse than the place he was in now. As if to confirm this, he saw a glow beneath him in the thick darkness. The glow was new. The dream had never shown him anything but endless blackness before.

 

At first, he thought that the green-gold radiance must be a hallucination. But as he stared at it, the glow only grew brighter. The light was as “real” as the rest of this place. A line of bubbles rushed up from the now-shining depths. The sweet, putrid taste of rotting fruit flooded his mouth. He retched, but only managed to draw in more of the fetid water.

 

And deeper he sank.

 

Maybe it was possible to fall forever.

 

The green-gold glow reached up through the murk. Tendrils of putrescent light wrapped around his feet. Connor’s eyes widened and he gave out a strangled scream as the light took on substance, becoming tentacles. The glow came from their rubbery, phosphorescent skin. The tentacles squeezed tight and began dragging him even further downwards, speeding his descent. Tonight Connor feared he would see the bottom.

 

And after I do, will I ever wake up? Or will the ocean floor be my new home? Those thoughts caused a memory to ting at the back of his mind, a memory that wanted to get out, but it was lost as the rubbery tendrils slipped up to his thighs.

 

Why can’t I fucking wake up? Wake up, wake up, WAKE UP! Connor pleaded, but in the dream he stayed.

 

Then something gripped him by the shoulders. Had the tendrils reached up so far? His heart began to trip-hammer at the thought of them winding around his prone body like an unwelcome lover. He imagined that they would soon pin his arms to his sides, snake up around his neck then caress his lips with that blubbery skin. But when he looked down the tentacles were still only wrapped around his thighs.

 

There was nothing to account for the grip he distinctly felt around his shoulders. The tentacles suddenly squeezed tighter, but so did the invisible grasp on his arms. Connor felt as if he were the rope in a tug of war. He wailed as his body was stretched almost beyond its breaking point. The tentacles tried to yank him down while the shoulder grip strove to lift him up. The contest of strength seemed to last forever, but then, without warning, the tentacles let go.

 

He hung suspended in the water for a moment, but then he slowly began to rise. His ascent gradually sped up, going faster and faster until he was rocketing towards the surface. The blackness of the water faded, becoming gray, and then there was a hint of blue green as he entered the sunlit belt of life. The surface was only twenty feet away now. He craned his neck so that his face would break through into the air just a little sooner. He could see the foam the waves made on the ocean’s surface. He felt the tickle of that foam against his nose and cheeks. He prepared to take his first breath …

 

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